My coach was blown away and I got bumped up to Varsity where I never ran below a 20 minute 5K again. That’s a 5 minute 39 second minute average and fully 4 minutes better than my previous personal best. As a junior in high school, I ran a 17 minute and 30 second 5K and won a JV cross country race.
On an October day in 2004 the gods smiled on my unathletic body. Except for one time, when I don’t know what happened, but I was kinda good. But the sad part is I’ve always been very average. I’ve enjoyed distance running my entire life. What that actually means is when I try jogging it feels like there’s a knife in my leg. For those who have never heard of it (me), it is described on Google as an overuse injury of the connective tissues that are located on the outer thigh and knee.
After talking with the physical therapist today, it turns out I gave myself a severe case of iliotibial band syndrome. To give myself some credit, I didn’t want to go to a hospital during the coronavirus pandemic because of a self-inflicted injury. I’ve been limping around for THREE MONTHS, too proud to admit I destroyed myself on that marathon. I’m writing this after getting back to my apartment in Los Angeles from my first physical therapy appointment. I figured I’d rest a few days then get back to my normal running routine of around nine slow miles a week. But I hobbled around and just laughed it off. When I woke up the day after I ran my marathon it felt like someone had snuck in my bedroom and beat my legs with an aluminum bat. I ran my marathon in 4 hour 16 minutes and 20 seconds and was paid $500. Two days later, slightly hungover, I jogged out my front door and did it. My name is Brooks Wheelan, I’m a comedian, and about three months ago I bet my friend $500 I could run a solo marathon with no training under four and a half hours.
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